Dating

This week in my Family Relations class we talked about dating! I find this topic to be very interesting, because I feel that this has become construed in a different way nowadays. Many people view it when someone “dates”, is when they are boyfriend and girlfriend with someone exclusively. Dating is really just when someone goes on dates, it doesn’t have to be with the same person every time. It is important to get our there and to meet new people. Yes, the endgame of dating is to become exclusive, and hopefully to marry that person, but it is hard to get to know someone when you don’t do anything with them. Dating around can also be helpful because it can help you to grow as an individual and can help you see what attributes you would cherish in a future spouse. In our class we talked about the 3 T’s to get to know someone better. The 3 T’s are time, togetherness, and talking. It may seem that they are very similar, but when you stop and consider what people do for a “date” is just spending all of their time together. I have seen this with some of my roommates and their boyfriends. As soon as they are done with school they get together and just spend all of their time around each other. However, they are not very together, they tend to just do their homework next to each other or check their phones. They are not talking to each other, or being together, they just are in close proximity to each other. To truly get to know someone you need to do all three of those things!

Once you’re past the dating around stage, and are more on the courtship stage, a good indicator that your relationship is going in the right direction is if you follow the Relationship Attachment Model. This model starts with showing that knowing your partner is an important thing before you can trust them. Once you trust your partner, you can rely on them, once you rely on them you can commit more fully to them. The last step is the physical touch. This is an important part of any relationship, but it is important to not make it the most important part of your relationship. This helps you to become closer with your partner.

After the courtship is engagement. When you are engaged to someone, you know that this is the person you are going to marry, and you are just preparing for that together. This can be a little bit stressful, and I should know because I am engaged right now! It is an exciting time, knowing that you’ve met the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with! During this stage it is important to still “date” your significant other. This week was Valentine’s Day, my fiancé made sure that we went on a date, it wasn’t anything too crazy, but it was really nice to just spend some time away from others and get away from the stressors of everyday. It showed to me that he cares about me and wants to show me that I am special. Just because you are committed to each other and are preparing to get married, does not mean that you shouldn’t date.

After engagement is marriage. From what I have witnessed, many girls are excited to get married and to plan their weddings. A wedding is something that many girls have dreamed about their whole childhoods, and that they have planned for years. However, I think that even though the wedding is important because it is what joins you two together, the marriage is more important than the wedding. I am engaged currently, and people ask me all the time if I am excited and prepared for the wedding. I tell them that I am planning for the wedding, but that we have been focusing on our relationship more, and that we are excited for our marriage more than the wedding. A wedding is just one day, but your marriage is forever.

I think that dating is an important part of a relationship at any stage. Dating is a way to be together and to spend meaningful time with one another.