Foundations

Foundations are so important. A foundation for a building is the lowest load-bearing part of a building. It is important to the structure of the building and if it is done poorly, the building’s integrity can fail and ruin the building. A foundation is important for relationships as well, it is the underlying basis and principles that your relationship is built on. If you have a bad foundation in your relationships, then your relationship can fall apart. The foundation is an integral to both a building and a relationship. Without the strong foundation it’s hard to live in a house, and hard to stay in the relationship.

In any romantic relationship it is important to keep your foundation strong. Continuing to go on actual dates can help that foundation to stay strong. Before you get married it is important to keep dating so that you can continually get to know that person. Many people have started to just spend all their time together without actually doing anything together. Dating can help you to continue to get to know each other better. Before you get married it’s important to learn if you can make decisions together, problem solve together, and communicate effectively with one another. These things help strengthen your relationship and help you know if you would work well together as spouses.

Last week I talked about how when “dating” you should start by going on dates with a few different people, then move on to a more committed relationship, then on to engagement, and the final step is marriage. Dating is such an important part of all of these steps, it helps build a better foundation. A date can be defined as, going somewhere with someone to know more about each other. Another definition could be when two people are getting together for a planned activity with romance between them or the possibility of romance between them. (Urban Dictionary).

It’s important to get to know someone as much as you can before you marry them. There are a lot of marital adjustments that can be difficult and when you are not prepared. Some adjustments are you’re together more than before, working around schedules (work, friends, family, etc.), combining your finances, decision making, your new living circumstances, extended families, and eventually having children. These are all things that you should discuss before you get married.

It’s important to discuss with your fiancé, when you are about to get married, about how you two plan to live together and work together as a couple. Many people don’t do this, and then have troubles blending together as a couple. When people don’t discuss these things before marriage, it can lead to a divorce. I have personally seen couples get married and divorced because they didn’t discuss having children, or their finances, or how they would split their time with extended families. These things are important to discuss and come to a realization of how you will work as a couple.

Working together isn’t an easy thing to do, people tend to have their point of view on not shift from that. I am currently engaged, and I have had discussions with my fiancé about our future, and how we plan to work together as a couple. There have been things that the both of us have had to compromise about. However, when you work together, it is better for your relationship now, and it will help you stay closer later! Preparing for the future can be so helpful, especially at the engagement stage. It can be difficult, but it is worth doing it. Ultimately working together from early on dating, and throughout the whole process will help your relationship to grow and keep it strong.

Dating

This week in my Family Relations class we talked about dating! I find this topic to be very interesting, because I feel that this has become construed in a different way nowadays. Many people view it when someone “dates”, is when they are boyfriend and girlfriend with someone exclusively. Dating is really just when someone goes on dates, it doesn’t have to be with the same person every time. It is important to get our there and to meet new people. Yes, the endgame of dating is to become exclusive, and hopefully to marry that person, but it is hard to get to know someone when you don’t do anything with them. Dating around can also be helpful because it can help you to grow as an individual and can help you see what attributes you would cherish in a future spouse. In our class we talked about the 3 T’s to get to know someone better. The 3 T’s are time, togetherness, and talking. It may seem that they are very similar, but when you stop and consider what people do for a “date” is just spending all of their time together. I have seen this with some of my roommates and their boyfriends. As soon as they are done with school they get together and just spend all of their time around each other. However, they are not very together, they tend to just do their homework next to each other or check their phones. They are not talking to each other, or being together, they just are in close proximity to each other. To truly get to know someone you need to do all three of those things!

Once you’re past the dating around stage, and are more on the courtship stage, a good indicator that your relationship is going in the right direction is if you follow the Relationship Attachment Model. This model starts with showing that knowing your partner is an important thing before you can trust them. Once you trust your partner, you can rely on them, once you rely on them you can commit more fully to them. The last step is the physical touch. This is an important part of any relationship, but it is important to not make it the most important part of your relationship. This helps you to become closer with your partner.

After the courtship is engagement. When you are engaged to someone, you know that this is the person you are going to marry, and you are just preparing for that together. This can be a little bit stressful, and I should know because I am engaged right now! It is an exciting time, knowing that you’ve met the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with! During this stage it is important to still “date” your significant other. This week was Valentine’s Day, my fiancé made sure that we went on a date, it wasn’t anything too crazy, but it was really nice to just spend some time away from others and get away from the stressors of everyday. It showed to me that he cares about me and wants to show me that I am special. Just because you are committed to each other and are preparing to get married, does not mean that you shouldn’t date.

After engagement is marriage. From what I have witnessed, many girls are excited to get married and to plan their weddings. A wedding is something that many girls have dreamed about their whole childhoods, and that they have planned for years. However, I think that even though the wedding is important because it is what joins you two together, the marriage is more important than the wedding. I am engaged currently, and people ask me all the time if I am excited and prepared for the wedding. I tell them that I am planning for the wedding, but that we have been focusing on our relationship more, and that we are excited for our marriage more than the wedding. A wedding is just one day, but your marriage is forever.

I think that dating is an important part of a relationship at any stage. Dating is a way to be together and to spend meaningful time with one another.

Gender and It's Roles

This week in my Family Relations class we talked about gender. This has become a very controversial topic in our society. This is not a topic that I normally like to discuss because I feel that it is controversial, and I don’t want to offend anyone. However, I do have views, and they do line up with the views of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, which I am an active member of.

In “The Family: A Proclamation To The World”, which is a document stating the church’s beliefs on family and gender roles it says, “All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”

I agree with this statement. I believe that we are children of a Heavenly Father and are created in His image. I also believe that our gender is eternal. I know that this is a conflicting view with many people, and I do not mean to offend anyone, but this is just what I believe. I think it is important to be respectful of all people, regardless of how they live their lives, and that it is not our place to judge God’s children. We are all God's children, and He loves us no matter what.

In this proclamation it also goes to talk about the roles of a husband/father and a wife/mother. It says that, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” This is a very traditional belief and has become a less and less popular belief within society. The proclamation goes on to say that “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” This is another traditional belief that is also becoming less and less of a popular belief. I must say that I do agree with these statements, however, I also believe that if a husband and wife feel that the wife should work, then the wife should work. I also feel that if a husband and wife feel that the husband should stay home with the children and help raise them, then by all means that’s what he should do. However, I do believe that it is in a male's nature to provide, and a female's nature to nurture. 

Gender roles are a big topic, and I feel that it is such an individual thing about what roles we take on. Every person has their agency to act in what way they best see fit. I do not think that it is any one’s place to judge another for what roles others have chosen to take on. I also feel that it is not anyone’s place to tell anyone else what roles they should take on. Individuals know themselves and know what they need to be doing. I think that more than anything it is important to be respectful of other decisions, even if we do not agree with those decisions. I believe that when we do this, we have better relationships. I have seen many families get torn apart because of this. It’s not anyone’s place to say how others should be living their lives, we may disagree with how they are doing it, but it is important to stay respectful and keep our relationships strong.

Ultimately, I believe that every person has a right to live their lives the way the best see fit. I think that it is important to be respectful. I believe that when we do this, we can truly see others divine potentials. I think that most importantly it is important to love those around us