Stressors

Stress is a part of life, we all deal with it. Stress is something that is natural, some stress is good, but too much can be difficult to handle. It’s an important thing to learn how to do deal with stress individually, but it is also important to learn how to deal with stress in our relationships. It’s important to know what resources you have available to you, and when it’s appropriate to use some of your resources. You may have family that you can go to, but it’s not always appropriate to go to them. It’s important to assess the situation with your significant other before going to others.

When in a serious committed relationship it’s important to learn how to deal with stress together. There are many stressful things in any committed relationship. They may differ depending on what your relationship status may be, but it’s still important how to learn how to deal with that stress, especially together. In an earlier post I talked about different relationship levels, dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. There are stressors that happen in all of these stages. 

In dating there aren’t as many stressors together, because it’s not a serious relationship. Dating is when you are just going on dates, often with different people. Because of this there are more person stressors. Stress could be making a good impression on the date, or what to wear, what to talk about, what to do on the date, etc. These can be stressors that could occur on a date. This is an important time to learn how you deal with stress alone. Being self-aware, can actually help more when it comes to dealing with stress in a relationship.

In courtship there starts to be a little more stressors, especially together. You still have your individual stressors, but there just have been added stressors together. Some stressors in this stage could be learning how the two of you work together as a couple, possibly meeting each others families, deciding whether or not this is the person you want to marry, etc. Most commonly, for the man a large stressor could be finding an engagement ring and proposing. I recently helped my friend propose to my other friend, and he wanted the proposal to be a surprise. Their day got complicated and both were stressed our because of different things, but luckily in the end they worked our their stress together, and then they got engaged! It was great to see my two friends support each other, and make such a big decision together!

When your are engaged, there are a lot of stressors. I am currently engaged now, and it is very stressful. Some little stressors could be finding time for the two of you away from wedding planning, or learning how to split your time between the two families, etc. There are always little stressors, and it’s important to learn how to deal with those together, because if you can’t deal with the littler stressors it is going to be difficult to deal with the larger stressors. The biggest stressor (at least for me) has been actually planning the wedding, and planning for after the wedding. There are many factors that go into a wedding that you don’t really realize until you have to plan them. There’s flowers, and outfits, and venues, and menus, and so much more that can be intimidating to tackle. It’s important to sometimes take a step back and work together with not only each other, but your families (if possible). Planning for after the wedding is also extremely stressful, finding somewhere to live, deciding how to do finances, where to live, making a budget, etc. These are all important things that are stressful at anytime, but it can seem more stressful than normal when you also have to plan a wedding. It’s crucial to work together with your significant other at this stage, because that can set the tone of how you work together in marriage.

Divorce rates have been rising over the past several decades. I think that a contributor is that couples have not learned how to deal with stress together. It can be difficult to go from living on your own to living with someone else. It is important to work together from the beginning of your marriage and focus on what you do well together and grow where you don’t. There are many stressors of being married, finances, work, cleaning, finding time for a date, etc. These can all be difficult, but when you work together they are less so. It’s important to rely on each other in marriage, and know how to help each other.