Parenting

Parenting is something that is so important. Raising a child isn’t something that should be taken lightly. In my class this week we were asked what the purpose of parenting is. I said to raise children to be the best person they can be. I asked my mom, and she said that she thinks it’s to raise up the next generation and teach people to care for others and get out of a selfish mode plus babies come knowing nothing and parents are there to train them what to do. I asked my dad and he said to prepare children for life. I asked my fiancé the same think and he said to make sure your kids don’t end up as little jerks. To make sure that your kids are decent human beings, your kids don’t have to be perfect they just have to not be the worst. Overall, I think that their views lined up with mine, that it is essentially to raise children to be the best they can be. We hear all the time that children are the future, and the way we raise children will contribute to how that future will be.

Parenting benefits both the children and the parents. I have seen several of my friends and family go from being young and a little immature to being a great parent who is focused more on others needs than on themselves. I think that it is important to recognize the change of those who become parents and to see them focus on the needs of their children. Children have lots of needs, and it’s important as a parent to make sure that those needs are fulfilled. Some needs that children have are contact and belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge.

Children have the need for contact and belonging. When children don’t have this, they tend to start seeking physical contact from others, that can be mistaken, and that people can find inappropriate and annoying. This is why it is important to make sure that your children are getting that contact. There is an excellent article done about orphans in Romania who didn’t get the contact that they needed, it stunted their growth and their development (link to the article at the bottom). It is important for parents to offer contact freely.

Children have the need for power. This is not the kind of power that they rule over others, but the power to control their own lives. When children don’t get that opportunity to make their own choices they tend to rebel or to try and control others. It is important to make sure that your children have choices, and that they understand the consequences of their choices. This will help children to have responsibility. Being responsible for your actions is something that is important for children to learn at a young age. When you just let your children do what they want and don’t tell them what the consequences can be, when they grow up, they will have to deal with those consequences, and it can be harder for them.

Children have the need for protection. It is a parent’s job to protect their child and to make sure that their child is ok and safe. Children don’t always realize that when parents say no to something it is because they are trying to protect them, but it is still important to do so, even if your child gets upset. When a child doesn’t have protection, they can seek for revenge, which can lead to an unfulfilled life. It is important for a parent to protect and to show forgiveness so that children understand that the parent is just doing what is best for them.

Children have the need for withdrawal, they need to know that not everything is obligatory. Stepping back and taking breaks from things is ok. We see with a lot of people today that they binge a lot of technology. We hear of people binge-watching shows, or people spending hours on social media websites. It’s important to not let things like that happen. It is important for parents to teach their children to take a break when it is needed.

Children have the need for challenge in their lives. There is a thing called the Zone of Proximal Development, this is a model of how a child learns. When something is too easy a child becomes complacent. When something is too difficult the child can get upset and feel dumb, and not want to continue. When something has familiar aspects to it but is still a little difficult is when the child learns best. This is important to recognize as a parent. Sometimes a child needs to do some things on their own so that they can learn.

It is important for parents to recognize their children’s needs, and to help them to fulfill them. It is also important to note that every child is different and will need a little bit of a different approach for each child.

Link to the Romanian Orphans article: https://www.nytimes.com/1996/03/25/world/romanian-orphans-prisoners-of-their-cribs.html